Apr 30, 2006

The top non-slutty female characters in video games. Ever.

It's always a Top 10, a Top 5 or a Top 100. Not this time though. This is a Top 7, and it's about the Female Game Character; an endangered and usually stripped down to its panties species. Gnome's Lair though is different, as this post will not be about Lula, Lara or any other two-syllable named bimbo. It will be about interesting characters, that even a woman (gasp!) could enjoy...

Number 7: The legendary Ms. Pacman. Not a proper female, I know, but she ...er... does dress like one. If you're into round, yellow, pill-poppers you'll just love the old lady.



Number 6: Princess Peach, ruler of Mushroom Kingdom and Mario's personal fetish. Childish, but also a part of video gaming history. Definitely not a slut.



Number 5: Elaine Marley from the Monkey Island series. Funny, spirited, Ron Gilbert's creation and a governor. Good looking and old fashioned. Won't strip for you, let alone make a naked public appearance.



Number 4: Shodan, from System Shock (and apparently SS2). Call her a slut and she'll fry you; perhaps even destroy earth. An amazing piece of homicidal AI, if I ever saw one and a perfect match for Wintermute.


Number 3: Kerrigan, another villain, and not 100% human either. Great looks (for a Zerg hybrid at least), a member of the order of the abominably nasty and key figure in the best RTS expansion ever: Starcraft Brood War.


Number 2: April Ryan from the Longest Journey and Dreamfall. Uniter of worlds and magically inclined, April is also a talented and rather 'alternative' girl from the future, who just so happens to star in adventure games. Recently into hot arcade action too.

Number 1: Jade, the star of the amazing Beyond Good and Evil action-adventure game. She has style, flair, good looks and a kind heart (Ooooh! that's sweet). She's also a revolutionary. Like Rosa Luxembourg only with green lips. Just have a look at this great game. Control each and every Jade's action. Follow the link.

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Related Gnome's Lair articles: Lula 3d review, Spooks review, 30+ hand picked free games, the Warhammer video games feature



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32 comments:

  1. That picture next to Elaine Marley is Kate Capsize. Just so's you know.

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  2. Oh dear, you are so right... What a cickup. I'll just fix it. Thanks a lot, mate!

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  3. There, fixed. Thanks anonymous :)

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  4. You forgot Cortana - the AI construct from the Pillar of Autumn. She ain't no slut - sassy, on the ball and straight to the point!

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  5. Hmm..intersting. Never heard of that bitch though :)

    Thanks tomleece.

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  6. Aha. I see! Never touched this allegedly brill game...

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  7. How about Bombette?
    She's also a revolutionary, of a very explosive kind!

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  8. By the way, I did a similar feature for our magazine (Strana Igr, or GameLand, just for you to know), and here's who I come up with (in no particular order):
    - Samus Aran (Metroid)
    - Ravel ((Planescape: Torment)
    - (honorable mention) Baba Yaga (different games)
    - Fatima Doohan (Anachronox)
    - Deionarra (Planescape: Torment)
    - Rosella/Valanice (King's Quest)
    - Jennifer Simpson (Clock Tower)
    - Alice (American McGee's Alice)
    - Sarah Kerrigan (Starcraft)
    - Shodan (System Shock)
    - Grace Nakimura (Gabriel Knight)
    - Nicole Collard (Broken Sword)
    - Ms. Pac-man
    - Bombette (Paper Mario)
    The article (in Russian, as it is) can be found
    here.

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  9. Very intersting... Thanks a lot Chentzilla. And yes, Grace would make an excellent addition.

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  10. You might also find this of interest. This is real women's opinion on "digital women", as they call them.
    I found this resource when working on the article.

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  11. So, tell me, as you apparently are from Russia, in which city do you live? (you, lucky you)

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  12. Oh, and thanks for the link too...

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  13. Why the interest?
    It's Moscow now, but I come from Perm.

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  14. Because the (two) Russian cities I've seen were breathtaking... And Moscow was extremely interesting. And I'm interested in cities altogether... That's about it I guess.

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  15. Great! Now do the slutty ones.

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  16. Not a bad idea this....

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  17. Haha lmao nice title gnome! now im going to read the artical. btw system shock 2 rules!

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  18. Yeah Wintermute and Shodan should totally date.

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  19. I've been trying to get them in touch, you know. Apparently they are far too busy scheming. :(

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  20. Another great female character is Alyx Vance (Half Life 2): realistic-looking and intelligent, though not a playable character.

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  21. Hmmm...I guess so, besides HL2 is all-around great...

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  22. drewboy50005/22/06, 7:45 AM

    No sorry Alyx Vance is a slut

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  23. You say so? Interesting...

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  24. How is she portrayed within the game as a slut? She doesn't groan when she climbs up ledges, nor does she bend over excessively for the player etc. She is portrayed more or less as your average woman-with as little sexual innuendo as possible.

    (Although I suppose it's the player's discretion as to what angle she is viewed at, although that it is not the developer's intention)

    Kaikara

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  25. Kaikara,

    I do believe you are absolutely right, and with a nice humorous twist too, but I do believe drewboy was kidding...

    Cheers

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  26. I really liked Laura, the protagonist of D2 for dreamcast... A terrifically weird and spooky adventure, where Laura remains mute while discovering what happened when her plane crash landed in arctic Canada.
    wikipedia entry

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  27. Amazing! A pure Dreamcast heroin... She seems excellent and quite interesting. Quite as expected.

    Thanks a ton my anonymous friend.

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  28. But Jade wears purple knickers... SLUT.

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  29. Well, she could 'ave been wearing suspenders you know... Still, I see wisdom in your point...

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  30. Nice list, gnome, but I agree that Samus Aran (the Metroid series) deserves a place on this list also. Not only is Samus not a slut, but to my knowledge, she's never even been marketed as a sex object, in the hopes of parting horny boy gamers from their money.

    Similarly, if/when you do the "revised, expanded, updated list", I would hope to see Bastila Shan from the original "Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic" game. Bioware managed to make her a potential love interest without ever going the easy "sexy boytoy" route.

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  31. Can't say you're wrong on the Samus front, as she also one of the few characters whose gender (even in a stereotypical manner) affects the storyline/gameplay of the Metroid series.

    As for Bastila Shan... don't know yet... I must shamefully admit to only having played KOTOR for a few hours... I'll check it out though... Definitely.

    The updated list.. hmmm... could be a good idea...

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